Counting to Three
by Wez in Wonderland
Summary: "You'd think that after years of singing and dancing on stage, he'd be used to performing on stage by now, but he's not." Stage fright isn't something that goes away overnight; once you have it, there isn't really any getting over it - well as far as Sebastian goes, anyway. (tw - anxiety)


prompt: "Huntbastian: Theater + Kiss"

Note: Written for nevergonnabeayoutuber . Sorry this took so long, dear. I like to think it turned out quite nice, even if it is a little more angsty than I would have liked. I hope you enjoy it!

trigger warning:** anxiety** **[attacks]**

* * *

**counting to three**

wezinwonderland

* * *

God, could he get any more pathetic? Sebastian half-heartedly sneers at his reflection and takes a deep breath, a last minute attempt to calm his jittery nerves. You'd think that after years of singing and dancing on stage, he'd be used to performing on stage by now, but he's not. Why did he think that auditioning for the school musical – it's a rendition of _Peter Pan_ – was a good idea? Just thinking about getting on stage makes his stomach clench. It's a horrible feeling that makes him feel nauseous.

"Oh God," Sebastian mutters to himself, tightening his grip on the sink counter. "I can't do this." He leans his forehead against the cool glass of the mirror, "I can't do this."

It's ridiculous. There isn't a single reason in the world why he should be nervous; performing has always been like second nature to him. He practically grew up on a stage for God's sake! Sebastian exhales shakily and tries to calm down, but he can't get that tiny, little voice in the back of his head to shut up.

_What if I forget my lines? Then the whole musical would be ruined_, it worries. _And after all the work we put into it…They'd never forgive me._

Sebastian jerks away from the mirror, reeling backwards like he's been hit. That's right; the theater department's been preparing for this performance all year. There's no way he can mess this up. He might have been forgiven for his actions as captain of the Warblers, but he has a feeling his cast mates might not be as lenient. He flinches at the thought; he doesn't think he can handle being at the receiving end of all that anger – not again.

_Don't mess up, Sebastian_, the voice sings. _You know they'll never forgive you._

A wave of nervousness washes over him, coiling uneasily in the pit of his stomach. The voice in the back of his head grows louder, its mocking taunts ringing loud in his ears.

_What would Mr. Ballard say? Or Spencer? How about Mason and Aidan? Or the Crawford girls? They'd be furi - Oh God, what would_ Hunter _say_?

_Hunter_. Sebastian's sweet, supportive boyfriend who had signed up for stage crew just because he wanted to spend more time together.

"Shit." Sebastian cards his hands through the synthetic red locks of his wig and sinks to the floor. "Shit, shit, shit – I can't mess up. I _can't_."

_But you will_, the voice says. _Because that's what you're best at. Messing things up._

"That – that's not true." A whimper forces its way past his lips. "That's not true at all."

_Oh, but it is. Think about it. You ruin everything you touch. Just look at the Warblers. You turned them against the one person they care about the most. They still hate you for it, and you know it – you see it in their eyes every day._

"Shut up."

_How about what happened between you and your father? When was the last time you heard from him? Three years, was it? Or was it four? Face it, Sebastian. You're a train wreck waiting to happen. Maybe you should quit while you're ahead._

Sebastian's chest constricts, painfully so, in a way that sends pain shooting down his every nerve ending. It's only a few seconds later that he realizes.

_I can't breathe._

* * *

"The things I do for Sebastian," Hunter grumbles irritably to himself as he stalks past the set. All of this for a stupid school musical. Is it really that big of a deal? He's dressed in the official stage crew t-shirt (it's a hideous tie-dye shirt with a yellow canary and the words STAGE CREW written on it) with a headset and clipboard to boot. He looks every bit the stage manager he supposedly is.

"Come on, people!" he announces loudly, catching the attention of the cast members around him. "The curtain goes up in twenty, whether you're ready or not."

"Captain!" One of the pirates shout, waving his arms around frantically. Hunter rolls his eyes at the mention of the ridiculous nickname. "Can you go check on Sebastian? He went to the bathroom ten minutes ago, and he still hasn't come back."

"Yeah, I'll handle it." Hunter's already walking down the hall. "Oh, and by the way, stop calling me Captain," he calls over his shoulder.

"Won't happen again, Leader!" the boy says in response, laughing obnoxiously as he adjusts his tricorne hat.

"You signed up for this, Clarington," Hunter reminds himself as he turns around the corner. "It wasn't like Sebastian forced you too. You did this to yourself."

He begins to chant a quiet mantra under his breath and hopes he'll be able to make it through the night. "Think positively. At least you'll get to see Sebastian in tights." He smirks at the memory of his boyfriend waltzing around the stage at rehearsals the week before. "Peter Pan, indeed."

Hunter's still smirking when he pulls open the bathroom door, poking his head through the doorframe. "Hey Sebastian, are you in here? Everyone's waiting for you to grace them with your presence."

He's expecting an annoyed mutter or may be a rude gesture in response, but what he gets instead is a wheezing gasp that has him running inside. He finds Sebastian on the floor, leaning against the wall with his legs drawn close and his head buried in his arms. Something's wrong.

"Sebastian?" Hunter says slowly. "What's wrong?" He tentatively reaches to touch Sebastian's face, and he regrets the action almost immediately.

The moment his fingers brush against Sebastian's cheek, the smaller Warbler lashes out in panic, his palm catching Hunter in the face with a solid smack. His eyes are wide with fear of something Hunter can't see, his breath coming in ragged pants – and then Hunter realizes what's happening. Sebastian's having a anxiety attack.

Hunter's known about the anxiety attacks for a while, despite never actually breaching the subject with Sebastian himself. He knows the symptoms and can tell the difference between panic and anxiety. He also knows better than to put Sebastian on the spot; it'll only make things worse.

"Sebastian." Hunter speaks soothingly, like how a person would talk to a frightened animal. "Look at me."

Sebastian slowly lifts his head to meet his gaze, and Hunter feels a pang in his stomach when he notices the tears trickling down his boyfriend's cheeks. He's hyperventilating, his chest rising and falling in an irregular pattern as he struggles to get enough air.

"Sebastian," Hunter repeats, firmly this time. "Breathe. Can you do that for me?" Sebastian shakes his head, a choked sob ripping from his throat. "Yes, you can. I know you can. C'mon Seb, _breathe_."

"C…can't," Sebastian manages, choking on the word.

"Can I touch you?" Hunter asks, frowning. When he gets Sebastian's permission, he pulls his boyfriend's smaller frame against his chest, wrapping his arms around Sebastian's waist. "Good. Breathe with me, Sebastian. Can you do that for me?"

He slows his breathing, creating a steady baseline for Sebastian to copy. "There we go. Inhale…exhale. Inhale…exhale." Hunter begins to count each breath, tapping a steady rhythm against Sebastian's hip. "-two, three. One, two three."

Sebastian doubles over to cough, and Hunter can't help but wince as he grabs onto his arm. It hurts – a lot more than it should, really – but Hunter keeps quiet because a little pressure on his arm is nothing compared to what Sebastian must be feeling.

"You're doing so good," he murmurs against the back of Sebastian's neck, placing a reassuring kiss against his nape. "I'm proud of you, Sebastian. Keep breathing. Un, deux, trois…Un, deux, trois."

It takes a few minutes but the irregular rattle of Sebastian's breathing eventually evens out into steady rasps, and Hunter feels relieved. He begins to soothingly stroke Sebastian's hair, still tapping that rhythm against his hip as he hums softly.

"Almost there, Sebastian. Just a little longer."

It ends when the pressure on Hunter's arm lessens. He can already see the tale tell marks of bruises around his arm. So does Sebastian, if the apologetic look on his face is anything to go on.

"Hunter, your arm…" he rasps, examining the bruised skin. Hunter rolls his eyes and raises a hand to gently flick Sebastian on the forehead, smirking a little at the indignant squawk he gets in response.

"It's fine," Hunter reassures, leaning forward to kiss his nose. "Don't worry about it. Doesn't even hurt."

"But – "

"Stop worrying. It's only a couple of bruises."

"Seriously, Hunt – "

"_Sebastian_." Hunter growls, watching with smug satisfaction as a shiver runs down Sebastian's spine at his tone. It's nice to know that he still has it. "Look, you're making a big deal out of nothing. It's fine, I promise."

Finally, Sebastian listens. They sit in silence for a good five minutes before the sound of Hunter's headset disrupts the peaceful atmosphere that had settled over the room.

"_Hey Cap – I mean, Leader!"_ It's the same pirate from before. "_We've got ten minutes before the curtain goes up; where'd the hell did you two go? If you two are making out…"_

"Shit," Hunter groans, letting his head hit the wall with a soft thud. He knew he'd forgotten something. He looks down at Sebastian, who's practically curled up in his lap, looking half-asleep. "You think you can still do the play?"

An emotion Hunter can't place flashes in Sebastian's eye, and he hesitates before nodding his head quietly.

"_Hey Leader? Helloooo? Hunter? You still there?"_

"We're coming. Tell everyone else we're going to push curtain back another ten minutes, okay? There's an issue with Sebastian's costume." And with that, Hunter mutes the other line. "Alright, want to tell me what's wrong?"

"…It's stupid," Sebastian says, not meeting his gaze. He moves to stand up, but Hunter doesn't let him. "Come Hunt, stop playing around. We have to go."

"Sebastian, please. I can't help if I don't know what's wrong," Hunter sighs.

Sebastian twists in his lap and buries his face in the crook of his shoulder, hiding his face from view. "…'m scared."

"Scared? Of what?"

"Messin' up. Don' wanna let everyone down."

"Hey, have some faith in yourself, would you? You'll be fine. You know this musical inside and out. You're gonna be great."

He lifts up Sebastian's chin with a finger, forcing him to meet his gaze. "I believe in you, Sebastian Smythe, and don't you forget it."

Sebastian blinks and crinkles his nose cutely as he fights back a smile, "God, you're such a sap." He leans forward to press his mouth against Hunter's and kiss him. His hand settles on the nape of Hunter's neck, absently tracing patterns there as he nips at Hunter's upper lip.

"_OI! BREAK IT UP YOU TWO. I CAN HEAR YOU KISSING OVER THE COM." _The issued order is accompanied by a loud fit of feedback, causing Hunter and Sebastian to pull apart with surprise, accidentally bumping noses as they do. "_SEB SMYTHE, HUNT CLARES – IF YOU TWO DON'T GET YOUR ASSES DOWN HERE, I'M GONNA HAVE TO CUT A BITCH!"_

"Jesus Christ, Thad!" Hunter shouts into the mic, frustrated. He and Sebastian quickly jump to their feet and dust themselves off. Sebastian's quick to put his wig back in order and wash the tear tracks away.

"We're on our way," he says into the mic as he dries off his face. "Be there in five."

"_Good! You've got two minutes. Better run._" Sebastian can practically hear the satisfaction oozing through those words. "_This is Thad signing off. PEACE – oh, hey. Here's your damn headset back, Jeremy. Stop whining, you brat –"_

" – _Who are you calling a brat, you arrogant dick?"_

"_Your mom. HA!"_

* * *

Before the curtains rise, Hunter turns toward Sebastian for one last word before the show starts. Pulling him into his arms, Hunter sneaks a quick kiss.

"You're going to be fantastic," he murmurs against Sebastian's lips, stealing another kiss. "Just like you always are."

"God, you're such a sap," Sebastian replies before he pulls out of the embrace. "I'm dating a loser."

"Hey, but I'm _your _loser."

"I'm leaving now."

"Wait! By the way, you should wear tights more often. It's a good look on you. Your ass? Fantastic."

"…Fuck off, Hunter."

"Kidding! Love you."

"Love you too, you loser."


End file.
